Respecting a tradition that goes back to at least the 1750s, members of Luxembourg’s secretive cycling community are gathering this weekend in a private location to sacrifice last year’s bicycles in hopes of ensuring a good riding season. “The Vëlobrennen is one of our most sacred rituals, one that admittedly must look strange to outsiders,” […]
Mathematician: 96 percent chance there is a Luxembourg village called Buttsdorf
A mathematician from the University of Wiltz has concluded there’s a “very high probability” that somewhere in the countryside of Luxembourg is an undiscovered village called Buttsdorf. “There are so many ridiculous place names in Luxembourg, including Pissange, Arsdorf, Assel, and Hoesdorf,” said professor Carl Nummers, who developed an interest in the topic after moving […]
Local pussy afraid to take parental leave
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A veritable walking bouquet of delicate flowers has confirmed his status as a pussy by backing down after being challenged to take six months of parental leave. A visibly anxious Theobald Hausmann, 33, made the announcement to his wife Christina last week after she repeatedly encouraged him to take time off to bond […]
Report: not one thing happened in Luxembourg today
A report issued by a consortium of Luxembourg’s largest new outlets has confirmed that nothing happened in Luxembourg today. “We sent reporters all over the Grand Duchy, from the depths of the mines in Rumelange to the heights of the Éislek, and they all returned with the same news,” says the report. “That there was […]
Powerful local couple possess VDL parking disc
A pair who resemble the privileged aristocrats of yesteryear have demonstrated their influence and power: an item that allows them to park nearly anywhere in Luxembourg City for free. On Thursday, Yannis Alphonsi and Katarina Gomes picked up a friend in Leudelange and drove him to a restaurant in Limpertsberg where the three were to […]
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