A wolf that was sniffing around Luxembourg for a new den has announced that due to the high prices here, he and his pack have decided to live over the border in Belgium. “It would’ve been nice to live in Luxembourg,” the wolf said through his interpreter, a 26-year-old unshaved Belgian wolf whisperer named Loup. […]
Man who claimed he mastered all local languages forced to admit he was lying
An anglophone who for years claimed he had mastered the local languages has been forced to admit that he can only really speak English after what one witness described as a “disastrous” telephone conversation with a hospital receptionist. On Tuesday, teacher Alan Rooney, 47, attempted to make a medical appointment over the phone while several […]
Luxembourg man saves up to take girlfriend on exciting trip in taxi
A local man who has been putting away money for a special trip has announced he is finally taking his girlfriend on the taxi ride they’ve always dreamed about. The trip is set for St. Valentine’s Day and will start at 7 p.m. at the couple’s home in Bivange, says Vincent Flamand, who has been […]
Dramatic man dies of man flu
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A weak and dramatic man has succumbed to man flu, several women close to him have derisively reported. It was two weeks ago when a local resident named Mark, whose last name is being withheld at the request of embarrassed women in his family, began to report symptoms of the imaginary disease. When […]
Report: only people at work are those actually ill
A nationwide survey has revealed that the only people at work in Luxembourg today are those who are verifiably ill, whereas everyone who called in sick is exaggerating their symptoms, faking it, or staying home because everyone else is doing it and why be a fool. “The 134,438 pathetic individuals who pulled themselves out of […]
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