Following an emergency session to recognize its most darling members, the UN has declared that Luxembourg is the world’s cutest country. UN Secretary General António Guterres said that despite stiff competition for the title, the Grand Duchy was a shoo-in. “Brunei, Malta, Lichtenstein, these are all adorable, but Luxembourg is the adorable-est,” he said. “With […]
Luxembourg parliament accidentally votes in favor of vaccine ‘man dates’
Luxembourg’s parliament on Tuesday voted nearly unanimously in favor of vaccine “man dates,” a typo that is now law and unfortunately cannot be undone. “I don’t know what man dates are exactly, but I’ve seen enough Hollywood comedies to make a guess,” said one deputy from the CSV. “It’s when a couple of dudes go […]
Duchy to allow yearly ‘Luxem-Purge’
Saying the only way to release the pent-up stress in the country is by creating a national holiday during which all crimes and antisocial behavior are permitted, Luxembourg officials have announced a yearly “purge.” Called Luxem-Purge in honor of the movie franchise that popularized the concept of an annual night of lawlessness, the event will […]
Positive test results no longer merit sympathy, man learns
A Luxembourg man who recently tested positive for Covid-19 has been forced to come to terms with the fact that such a revelation is now of little consequence to others and will earn him no sympathy. “Just got some really bad news from the lab,” the single 32-year-old posted on his various social media accounts […]
Luxembourg City woman afraid life just a series of meaningless visits to cute little new cafes
A Luxembourg City woman who neither has to work nor do housework has been struck by the terrible realization that life is nothing more than a series of meaningless visits to cute little new cafes. The 35-year-old, who has lived in the country since her husband took over as head of an asset management firm […]
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