A massive cloud of dihydrogen monoxide was observed leaking from the Cattenom nuclear power plant on Thursday morning, according to reports. Although dihydrogen monoxide is naturally occurring and can even be found in lakes and rivers, as little as a few liters can prove to be deadly. Historians believe the chemical compound caused the deaths […]
Top football clubs to form Awesome League instead
Agreeing that the idea of a Super League was terrible from the outset, the 12 football clubs involved in the plan have announced they will instead form an Awesome League. “When we first told you about our intention, the backlash was fierce and instantaneous,” said Real Madrid president Florentino Pérez. “We admit our terrible mistake, […]
Private school raises €59,000 for student whose father drives a Peugeot
As proof that a little bit of generosity goes a long way, students at a private school in Luxembourg City have raised enough money so that a classmate whose father drives a Peugeot can get something better. Thomas Dortland, 15, began attending the Global Academy last year when his family relocated to Luxembourg. Since then, […]
Report: Luxembourg must have got shagged over the weekend
A country that had been in a sour mood since November must have been massively shagged over the weekend, sources have claimed. According to colleagues, Luxembourg showed up to work on Monday morning grinning, smelling of passion, and humming the song “Walking on Sunshine.” “Hey, moien, et geet!” Luxembourg said when it threw the office […]
Boss admits she’s been sticking her tongue out at everyone all this time
One of the founding partners of a respected Luxembourg law firm has announced that ever since it became mandatory last year to wear masks in the office, she’s been unable to stop sticking out her tongue at everyone. “Because I’m impatient and ill-tempered, people might have assumed those were puffs of air pushing my mask […]
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