A recent study examining the proposed legalization of cannabis in Luxembourg has revealed a lack of basic marijuana-smoking skills, including the widespread inability to roll a fat joint as well as general ignorance how to hit that shit. The study, authored by a team at the University of Wiltz using data collected from surveys, says […]
Local grandmother announces plan to spend Saturday at Cactus
BERELDANGE — A local grandmother has confirmed that she’s going to Cactus this weekend, ideally late Saturday afternoon when the supermarket is at its fullest. Josette Urbany, 86, admits that although she could schedule her excursion for a quiet weekday morning when vastly fewer people go shopping, she enjoys using her slow movements and limited […]
Code red: father hits petrol station in last-minute search for Christmas presents
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A father who has reportedly never mastered the art of buying presents in a timely manner has again found himself driving to petrol stations in an attempt to get Christmas gifts for his family. At around 5 p.m. on Christmas Eve, the man left his home under the pretense of getting some fresh […]
Luxury parka helps woman survive dangerous expedition through Luxembourg city center
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A local woman survived a perilous solo expedition through the city center on Friday thanks in part to an expensive Arctic-style parka. Days earlier, Katarina Villeneuve, 42, organized an afternoon tea with friends at an upscale Rue des Capucins cafe. The plan was simple. Villeneuve would drive her Range Rover to the Théâtre […]
Cleaning lady rewarded with raise of 25 cents
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A big-hearted couple from the capital have rewarded their loyal and hardworking cleaning lady with an unprecedented raise of 25 cents per hour. Peter and Mirjana Hansen, who own a four-bedroom house in Cents, delivered the news to their employee on Friday afternoon as she was hunched over and pouring out a bucket […]
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