LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Archaeologists working in the capital have uncovered artefacts that suggest many of the city’s most aggravating road construction projects currently underway have been going on since the end of the Neolithic Era. Among the artefacts found in a dig near the Bierger-Center — just one of a dozen sites currently being excavated — […]
Scary new drug craze: Luxembourg mothers addicted to Cactus candles
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — By day her name was Marie-Antoinette Hoffmann, a part-time language teacher and dedicated mother of three. But by night, she was known as “Mam Bougie” and police say she ran a candle-dealing operation that stretched from Clervaux all the way to Differdange. For readers who are unaware of the dangerous new trend, […]
Junior accountant on hoverboard actually alpha male from future
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A seemingly unremarkable junior accountant is actually an alpha male from the future who travelled back to 2017 to save humanity, as evidenced by his choice of a high-tech personal transportation device. “I was selected out of a group of 1000 elite soldiers to be sent back in time to examine the internal […]
Clumsy fool stops at two kisses
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A veritable walking mess of poor manners has struck again, this time delivering only two kisses when, as everyone in Luxembourg knows, he should have given three. The incident occurred on Friday as the oaf was shopping for predictably oafish shoes on the city center’s Grand Rue. He looked up to see a […]
Slavery in Luxembourg: gas station cashiers forced to offer discounted sweets to every customer
Authorities in the Grand Duchy are investigating several cases of slavery after dozens of residents reported that gas station cashiers appear to be forced to offer promotional chocolate items to every customer. “One week it’s two-for-one Kinder Bueno, and the next it’s 30 percent off a pack of king-sized Twix bars, but the routine never […]
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