In response to complaints from cyclists that Luxembourg City does little to make getting around on a bicycle easy, officials have promised to build the world’s best cycling infrastructure – if cyclists agree to stop wearing those ridiculous shorts. “You’ll get dedicated bikeways all around the city, protected lanes on every street, and a safety […]
VDL mayor considering opening the fully functional, 26-station metro that was built in 90s
LUXEMBOURG CITY — Admitting that traffic has not improved much despite the tram, Mayor Lydie Polfer says it might be time to start using the 26-station underground rail network that was built under the city in the late 1990s. “It’s been there for ages,” she said to an aide on Monday while the two were […]
Luxembourg City parking agents undergo commando training
In response to a growing number of drivers in Luxembourg City who illegally park their cars and say to themselves, “it’s only for a minute,” all municipal parking agents will now undergo special forces training. The intensive program lasts 42 weeks and consists mainly of evasion tactics, urban survival, and guerilla ticketing operations. The goal […]
Woman working from home still blaming traffic for being late every morning
A woman who invariably blames traffic for being late to work every day is still using the excuse, even now that she’s working from home. On Monday morning, the project manager was 10 minutes late for a budget review meeting on Webex, forcing the other participants to endure small talk about weather, humidity, and mold […]
Pervert imagines what women look like under their masks
A pervert who travels around Luxembourg on public transport has allegedly been staring at the bottom half of women’s faces in a sick attempt to imagine what they look like under their masks. “That bastard was staring at my cheeks the whole bus ride,” said Ruby Polimer, who fell victim to the man’s lecherous gaze […]
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