Following an increase in the number of bicycles stolen at night from garages, cellars, and storage spaces, police are recommending that Luxembourg residents lock their bikes to themselves while they sleep. “A woman in Luxembourg City had her bike stolen from her balcony – on the fifth floor,” said police spokesperson Marco Trausch. “In Bascharage, […]
‘I will ride wherever the f*ck I want,’ says electric scooter man
In response to speculation that he may not actually be permitted to ride here, a man on an electric scooter has announced he will ride wherever the fuck he wants. “The Scooter electrus is a brother of the street-legal Scooter motorus and a cousin of the Motorcycle vroomus, which means the streets belong to me,” […]
Tram converted into submarine
Following heavy rains that left many parts of Luxembourg under water, VDL officials have confirmed that the tram can also function as a submarine. “Some people laughed when we went over budget because we insisted on doors that can keep water out as deep as 10 meters below the water,” said VDL spokesperson Mo Biliteit. […]
New, larger parking spots for bastards in expensive cars who always take 2 spaces anyway
Following years of trying to compel bastards in expensive cars to park correctly and in a considerate manner, VDL officials have announced they’re giving up, saying that the only solution is to give these people their own, larger spaces. “In every public parking garage or supermarket parking lot, clear white lines have been painted to […]
‘We’ll improve cycling infrastructure when you stop wearing those shorts,’ VDL tells cyclists
In response to complaints from cyclists that Luxembourg City does little to make getting around on a bicycle easy, officials have promised to build the world’s best cycling infrastructure – if cyclists agree to stop wearing those ridiculous shorts. “You’ll get dedicated bikeways all around the city, protected lanes on every street, and a safety […]
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