• Expats
  • Grand Duchy of Luxembourg
    • Real Estate
    • Transportation
    • Luxembourg City
    • Politics and Government
    • Education
    • Luxembourgish Customs
    • Luxembourg History
    • Royal Family of Luxembourg
    • Finance and Banking
    • Business
  • Languages
    • Luxembourgish
    • French
    • German
  • Workplace
  • Leisure and Lifestyle
    • Holidays and Events
      • Schueberfouer
      • Christmas Market
      • Bazar International
    • Dining and Nightlife
    • Shopping
    • Parenting
    • Health
    • Luxembourg Wurst Magazine
    • Interviews and Profiles
    • Opinion
      • Wise Expat Sage
  • Greater Region
    • Belgium

Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Newcomers warned against accidental exposure to Eurovision

May 20, 2019

Eurovision Luxembourg

Luxembourg officials are warning about a potentially strong outbreak of the Eurovision Song Contest this year, and they are advising newcomers — particularly those from other continents who’ve never seen the contest — to avoid being accidentally exposed to Saturday night’s televised final.

“One moment you’re flipping through channels looking for a good action movie with superheroes and bombs and stuff, and the next moment you’re staring at a bunch of people in sequined animal costumes singing to a generic pop track,” said Dr. Frederick Meyer of the Office of Entertainment and Health. “You think it’s silly, that you can resist the allure, but by that time it’s too late.”

Meyer says that within minutes, an innocent viewer will find him or herself dizzy and too weak to change the channel.

“Suddenly you’re feverishly writing down points on a homemade score sheet, struggling to decide if you prefer the Finnish woman dressed like a flight attendant from the future, or the guy in Bulgarian folk dress who broke out into rap.”

Authorities say it’s best to stay away from your television on the evening of the final. If you forget and are accidentally exposed, they advise you to wash out your ears and eyes with warm water, sit in a dark room, and take large doses of heavy metal music until you’ve forgotten what you witnessed.

“To anyone who is new to Europe, I say this,” Meyer said. “You might think that watching Eurovision is no big deal, that it’s a step towards integration, and that lots of people are doing it so it must be safe”.

“What you don’t realize is that people who are into this stuff have been doing it for years,” he continued. “And they’ve built up a strong tolerance to the hard-core campiness and noxious cheesiness.”

Signs that someone may have been exposed to Eurovision

Joyful weeping upon hearing lyrics such as “I will rise to touch my dreams, so my dreams can fly, fly into your arms”

A tingling in the belly when hearing the words, “Good evening Europe, this is [insert capital city] calling”

Non-responsiveness and shallow breathing, particularly while the points are being tallied at the end of the event

Uncontrollable rage when neighbouring countries all vote for each other and it’s revealed, yet again, that the whole thing is rigged

***

First published by RTL Today on May 16, 2019

Photo credit: Martin Fjellanger, Eurovision Norway, EuroVisionary CC

 

Filed Under: Europe, Expats, Featured Article, Leisure and Lifestyle, RTL Today

Follow the Wurst

Follow the Wurst FacebookFollow the Wurst Twitter
Luxembourg Wurst t-shirts and hoodies
Luxembourg is fun

6 fun places that prove Luxembourg isn’t boring 

Letz Luxembourg branding

Experts warn of scary new outbreak of ‘Letz’ branding

Supermarkets Luxembourg self checkout

‘Now stock the shelves,’ supermarkets tell you

Luxembourg mullet

Native mullet discovered in north of Luxembourg 

About the Luxembourg Wurst

Disclaimer

Contact Us

Luxembourg Wurst © 2023