A red alert was issued on Wednesday after it was revealed that a Luxembourger had infiltrated a popular expats Facebook group. The infiltration was discovered after one of the group’s 8000-plus members asked for a cheese suggestion, to which a member named Estephania Makris responded, “Kachkéis.” When another member wrote that he’d tried kachkéis and […]
‘When’s weed going to be legal?’ man demands, for a friend
A resident who finds it curious that the government promised years ago to legalize cannabis has demanded to know when they’re going to deliver. “Not for me, it’s for a friend who is eagerly waiting,” he said. “Not that I’m opposed to cannabis, of course, and people say it’s safer than alcohol, less detrimental to […]
Luxembourg City parking agents undergo commando training
In response to a growing number of drivers in Luxembourg City who illegally park their cars and say to themselves, “it’s only for a minute,” all municipal parking agents will now undergo special forces training. The intensive program lasts 42 weeks and consists mainly of evasion tactics, urban survival, and guerilla ticketing operations. The goal […]
Desperate Thionville couple offer to pay for PCR tests, smuggle friends over border
An expat couple who moved to Thionville from Luxembourg City have grown so desperate for visitors that they’re now offering to pay for PCR tests for anyone who will visit them. “That’s fine if you don’t want to get a test,” said Lola Hirsch, who made the move with her partner more than three years ago […]
Luxembourg Wurst sold to German sausage maker
In what’s being called a logical move, the satire and humor website the Luxembourg Wurst has been sold to a German sausage manufacturer. A spokesperson for Hamburg-based Wurst Prinz, Jürgen Thüringer, says the company had long been considering Luxembourg as a potential new market. “From Wikipedia, we learned that Luxembourg has a veritable love affair […]
Luxembourg to create ‘own international celebrity’
Luxembourg officials have announced they’re ready to take the next step in becoming an important global actor: create the country’s first international celebrity. “Develop our commercial space industry, check,” said Carlos Hombart of the Initiative for International Recognition. “Become the first country in the world to offer nation-wide, free public transport, check.” “Create the first […]
Catastrophe: Luxembourg City man loses scarf
A Luxembourg City man and member of the country’s largest scarf-appreciation club has lost his scarf, according to sources who observed him crying at work. “My scarf is my everything,” said Michael Saetang, a member of the Scarf Bros. since 2018. “Designer trousers, my beautiful silk ties, even my carefully matched shoes and belt mean […]
‘My mental state is fine,’ explains man to visiting delegation of household items
A Luxembourg man’s mental state is fine despite not having had a normal social interaction in nearly a year, he has insisted to a visiting delegation of household items. Among the visitors to the man’s Luxembourg City apartment were Deputy Deodorant of Luxembourg’s parliament, Prince Asparagus from the House of Auchan, and a coffee mug […]