A nine-year-old from Bridel who is going trick-or-treating with a group of friends on Halloween has admitted to harboring wild fantasies about getting actual candy this year. “How cool would that be if someone gave me a Snickers bar or a piece of gum,” said the boy. While wearing a zombie costume last year, he […]
Archives for October 2019
Applicants for Luxembourgish nationality must now swear they have slightly warm feelings for country
Amid worries that many of the applicants rushing to get Luxembourgish nationality are not doing so out of love, or even mild affection, for the country, but rather for personal and political reasons, officials will now require applicants to state that Luxembourg is “quite okay.” “We are not asking you to say that you love […]
Luxembourg Navy rescues 400 potatoes from Moselle cruise ship
REMICH — Members of a Luxembourgish Navy special forces unit have rescued as many as 400 potatoes that were being held captive in a foreign-registered ship. The ship, called Tigress of the Moselle, was transporting passengers on a full-day pleasure cruise when a Luxembourgish intelligence unit learned it was also carrying an unknown number of […]
UN to take over Luxembourg City roadworks disaster
NEW YORK — Describing the driving situation in Luxembourg City as “so bad that even the leather-clad masochists who used to flock there just to get stuck in traffic are running away,” the United Nations has announced it will be taking over the reconstruction of the city’s streets. Operation UNMILV calls for hundreds of peacekeeping […]
Grrr: senior citizen at cash machine takes ages to find slot for bomb
ESCH-SUR-ALZETTE — A line of criminals waiting to blow up a cash machine early Thursday morning had to wait 15 minutes while an elderly thief in front of them struggled to find the right place to insert his explosive device. “Hey, grandpa, we don’t have all day,” angrily whispered Hubert Beenhouwer, who was already late […]