The thousands of security guards posted at shop entrances all across the Grand Duchy are warning customers that if they fail to apply hand sanitizer before entering, they will be destroyed, according to the security guards’ own hardened eyes. The guards, most of whom have shaved heads and nicknames like “Pitbull” and “Bone-breaker,” have developed […]
Luxembourg man hiding in bunker with Ferrari asks if it’s okay to come out now
A man from Hesperange who since the start of the pandemic has been hiding in an underground bunker with his beloved 2017 Ferrari 812 Superfast has sent a message to the surface asking if it’s okay to come out now. A family walking in the countryside happened to pass one of the bunker’s air vents, […]
Neighbors agree to return to pre-pandemic levels of zero communication
Although Luxembourg residents say they’ve enjoyed getting to know their neighbors during the confinement period, the consensus is that it’s time to return to pre-pandemic levels of zero communication. “My daily chats with the lady across the street have been enjoyable and full of genuine concern for each other,” said Kayl resident Tomasz Zielinski. “We’ve […]
Thousands of freshly coiffured women applauding hairdressers every evening
As deconfinement in Luxembourg slowly ends and hair salons once again open their doors, thousands of women and a few men with freshly cut, dyed, and styled hair have started clapping every evening for the country’s hairdressers. “Bravo,” said Sabine, 32, a resident of Differdange who was among the first to get her hair done […]
‘Pandemic over,’ declare Luxembourg teens
Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]
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