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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

‘Apply hand sanitizer or I’ll crush you,’ says Luxembourg security guard using only his eyes

June 16, 2020

Luxembourg security guard

The thousands of security guards posted at shop entrances all across the Grand Duchy are warning customers that if they fail to apply hand sanitizer before entering, they will be destroyed, according to the security guards’ own hardened eyes.  The guards, most of whom have shaved heads and nicknames like “Pitbull” and “Bone-breaker,” have developed […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Shopping

Luxembourg man hiding in bunker with Ferrari asks if it’s okay to come out now

June 2, 2020

Luxembourg man Ferrari bunker

A man from Hesperange who since the start of the pandemic has been hiding in an underground bunker with his beloved 2017 Ferrari 812 Superfast has sent a message to the surface asking if it’s okay to come out now. A family walking in the countryside happened to pass one of the bunker’s air vents, […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Leisure and Lifestyle

Neighbors agree to return to pre-pandemic levels of zero communication

May 28, 2020

Neighbors pandemic Luxembourg

Although Luxembourg residents say they’ve enjoyed getting to know their neighbors during the confinement period, the consensus is that it’s time to return to pre-pandemic levels of zero communication.  “My daily chats with the lady across the street have been enjoyable and full of genuine concern for each other,” said Kayl resident Tomasz Zielinski. “We’ve […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Leisure and Lifestyle

Thousands of freshly coiffured women applauding hairdressers every evening

May 27, 2020

Luxembourg hairdressers Coronavirus

As deconfinement in Luxembourg slowly ends and hair salons once again open their doors, thousands of women and a few men with freshly cut, dyed, and styled hair have started clapping every evening for the country’s hairdressers. “Bravo,” said Sabine, 32, a resident of Differdange who was among the first to get her hair done […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Leisure and Lifestyle

‘Pandemic over,’ declare Luxembourg teens 

May 19, 2020

Teens in Luxembourg say pandemic is over

Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Health, Leisure and Lifestyle

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The Idiot of St. Benedict – Order Now!

The Idiot of St. Benedict – Order Now!
Prices in Luxembourg City

New shop in center offers usual stuff but at ‘twice the price’ 

Cashier watching you enter PIN

Cashier turns away, attaches blindfold, puts bag over head while you enter PIN

Man thanks LinkedIn

No, please don’t: man thanks people who invite him to connect on LinkedIn

Drug dealer Luxembourgish

Well, it’s a start: Gare dealer offers drugs in Luxembourgish

St. Valentine beheaded

Ghost of beheaded St. Valentine wishes couple a romantic evening

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