A property speculator from Luxembourg City woke up with a feeling of immense regret on Saturday upon realizing that, during the night of heavy drinking, he bought a round of expensive housing units for total strangers. Trying to piece together the night, Pascal Baptista, 35, remembered that after emptying several bottles of wine while dining […]
Wealthy expat discovers existence of local working class
An affluent foreign-born resident of Mamer is being lauded for having discovered a formerly unknown social group which she is calling “a body-using, hand-working underclass.” “One morning, I woke up early and observed some men removing the bins from the side of my house,” says Val Haark, 33, a stay-at-home wife who in her spare […]
Luxembourg chooses unlucky bastard to pay for entire free transport plan
Saying “well, someone has to do it,” Luxembourg officials have announced they have finally decided on a source of funding for the plan to make all public transport in the country free by 2020: local unlucky bastard Pit Dommlinger. “At first we thought about raising taxes and using the revenue to pay for the […]
This Luxembourg cyclist attached a smoking exhaust pipe to his bike, now drivers smile and call him ‘friend’
Fed up with the hostility he received from car drivers while riding on the streets of Luxembourg City and its environs, a cyclist from Strassen has found an effective but simple way to gain their favor. Architect Carlos Maldonado, 44, jerry-rigged an automobile muffler so that it expels smoke whenever he rides. Now, he says, […]
Supercomputer ‘totally confused’ by plan to house it in Luxembourg
A European supercomputer scheduled to be installed in Luxembourg in 2020 has issued a sharp rebuke to the plan, saying you don’t need to be capable of performing quadrillions of calculations per second to figure out that it’s too expensive here. “I’m totally confused, because these people tell me I’m going to Luxembourg to help […]
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