FUERZWEILER – A farmer from the east of the country has found – and detonated – a fart that was buried in his gut during the Second World War. “My mother was busy working as a laundry maid for German soldiers, and my father was in a prison camp somewhere,” said Jacque Pupenmann, aged 86. […]
Putin’s advisors too afraid to tell him fish stuck to his head
Members of Vladimir Putin’s increasingly small group of advisors are too afraid to tell the Russian president that he has got a fish stuck to his head, Western sources have revealed. The fish, believed to be a herring, has been stuck to Putin’s head since early Thursday morning, according to British intelligence. However, one unsubstantiated […]
Celebration as weather returns to normal
Following several weeks of awful blue skies and dangerous levels of sunlight, lovely gray clouds and rain have returned to the Grand Duchy. “Hooray,” said one jubilant resident of Luxembourg City, opening a bottle of crémant upon seeing his street blanketed by a sheet of water early in the morning. “Darling, children, wake up, I […]
The West won’t share the secret recipe for Big Mac sauce, and Putin is furious
After having vowed to create an imitation McDonalds, Russia has found itself in desperate need of the secret recipe for Big Mac sauce, but the West will not give it up, and now Vladimir Putin is furious. After the March announcement of the closure of some 850 McDonald’s locations in Russia, Minister of Foreign Affairs […]
Tragedy on Bretzelsonndeg: she gave her boyfriend a bretzel instead of the other way around, and he turned into an egg
Officials in Luxembourg have reminded the public about the importance of respecting traditions after a woman gave her boyfriend a sweet bretzel, causing him to turn into an egg. The incident occurred on Sunday, Bretzelsonndeg (Pretzel Sunday), just moments after Astrid Knoop surprised her partner Matthias Buchler with the almond-encrusted pastry. “He said, ‘oh, a […]
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