A Russian oligarch who has found his overseas accounts frozen, his yacht seized, and his private jet without a place to land in Europe has decided to take the opportunity to get an advanced degree in oligarchy. “Some of my fellow Russian billionaires complain about the sanctions that target men like us, but I see […]
Luxembourgish woman ‘befriended hundreds of outsiders’
A Luxembourgish woman from Frendlechdange is under investigation for violating social norms after it was discovered she had befriended hundreds of outsiders. The woman, Lizzy Koncke, 41, stands accused of “approaching hundreds of people who were apparently new to Luxembourg, both in expat forums and in person, and offering to take them on free, informative […]
‘But you like Darth Vader,’ says an exasperated Putin
Russian president Vladimir Putin has expressed confusion as to why many now view him as a monumental dickhead, saying that as far as he knew, everyone always seemed to admire villains like Darth Vader, for instance. “Vader was a consummate homicidal maniac,” Putin said. “He strangled his subordinates from three meters away, blew up planets […]
‘Well, they shouldn’t have made Putin angry,’ says local domestic abuser
A domestic abuser who insists that he is opposed to Russia’s attack on Ukraine also says that we should not have made Putin angry. “We know that Vladimir Putin doesn’t want to hurt anyone unless someone gives him a good reason,” the domestic abuser said. “It’s the same way with me, in my house, like […]
You should get rid of your Russian vodka and give it to me
People of Luxembourg, I understand that many of you are shocked and furious. You would like to act in some meaningful manner, but you don’t know how. Well, I have an idea. One of the most powerful statements you can make is to get rid of any bottles of good Russian vodka you have in […]
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