As proof that a little bit of generosity goes a long way, students at a private school in Luxembourg City have raised enough money so that a classmate whose father drives a Peugeot can get something better. Thomas Dortland, 15, began attending the Global Academy last year when his family relocated to Luxembourg. Since then, […]
Report: Luxembourg must have got shagged over the weekend
A country that had been in a sour mood since November must have been massively shagged over the weekend, sources have claimed. According to colleagues, Luxembourg showed up to work on Monday morning grinning, smelling of passion, and humming the song “Walking on Sunshine.” “Hey, moien, et geet!” Luxembourg said when it threw the office […]
Boss admits she’s been sticking her tongue out at everyone all this time
One of the founding partners of a respected Luxembourg law firm has announced that ever since it became mandatory last year to wear masks in the office, she’s been unable to stop sticking out her tongue at everyone. “Because I’m impatient and ill-tempered, people might have assumed those were puffs of air pushing my mask […]
Man attempts conversation with strangers in supermarket elevator
STRASSEN — Proving again that Luxembourg is no longer the bastion of safety and order it once was, a man attacked two strangers on Sunday by attempting to talk to them in a supermarket elevator. “It’s busy today, huh?” said the attacker to two other shoppers as the elevator slowly descended. The female shopper nervously […]
Miracle: friend believed to be lost to Covid now wants to drink beer on a terrace
A friend everyone believed had tragically succumbed to Covid now wants to meet for a beer on a terrace, according to reports. The last anyone in the group of friends had heard from Phil Sullivan, a 34-year-old project manager who lives in Clausen, was last autumn just as bars and restaurants were ordered to close. […]
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