Luxembourg Wurst

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UN declares Luxembourg world’s cutest country

Following an emergency session to recognize its most darling members, the UN has declared that Luxembourg is the world’s cutest country.  UN Secretary General António Guterres said that despite stiff competition for the title, the Grand Duchy was a shoo-in.  “Brunei, Malta, Lichtenstein, these are all adorable, but Luxembourg is the adorable-est,” he said. “With […]

Grand Duchy described as ‘exciting’ for the first time

For the first time this decade and possibly since the birth of the country, an expat has described Luxembourg as “exciting.” Speaking in a voice he normally reserves for live hockey games or horse-betting halls, Misha Babin offered the descriptor during a weekly phone call with his mother. “There was a big protest last weekend, […]

Country rebrands as ‘Luxembourg: satellites, sex, and drugs’

Saying they need a nation-branding slogan that speaks more to young people, Luxembourg has decided to rebrand itself with a new slogan: “Luxembourg: satellites, sex, and drugs.” “Technically, it’s not untrue,” said one source from deep within the secretive world of nation-branding. “We’ve got SES Astra, which operates God knows how many satellites. Satellites are […]

‘Luxembourg, is that in Germany?’ asks hotel receptionist

Following a long but pleasant drive from Luxembourg to the Mediterranean coast, a friendly and totally unsarcastic hotel receptionist has asked you if Luxembourg is in Germany.  “Welcome to the Med Sol Beach Hotel,” said the receptionist in an eager and professional tone. “From where are you joining us?” When you replied you were from […]