Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Report: Luxembourg doesn’t care who wins as long as it’s not Germany, France, Belgium, Portugal, Italy

When asked which team it supports in the Euro 2020 championship, Luxembourg has said it doesn’t really care who wins as long as it’s not France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, or Italy. “Technically, we’re supposed to support Germany because we share the family name Schmidt as well as a profound love of grilled sausages,” said Luxembourg. […]

‘Revenge is sweet,’’ say Euro 2020 sponsors

Following a snub in which high-profile Euro 2020 players moved strategically placed sponsored products during a press conference, the aggrieved companies have announced they are plotting revenge.  “Cute stunt Ronaldo, but we’ve got you and your little sports league right by the contract,” said Coca-Cola spokesperson Jacqueline Brand. “If you don’t want to face serious […]

Bettel to wear anti-slap scarf

Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf.  “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]

‘We’ll improve cycling infrastructure when you stop wearing those shorts,’ VDL tells cyclists

In response to complaints from cyclists that Luxembourg City does little to make getting around on a bicycle easy, officials have promised to build the world’s best cycling infrastructure – if cyclists agree to stop wearing those ridiculous shorts.  “You’ll get dedicated bikeways all around the city, protected lanes on every street, and a safety […]