A new horror movie aimed at the Luxembourgish market tells the story of the supermarket chain Cactus going out of business, forcing Luxembourgers to shop at other, non-Luxembourgish stores. Director and screenwriter Thierry Reckinger says that the idea for “Cactus Huet Faillite Gemaat” (“Cactus Has Fallen,” as it will be billed in English) came to […]
Woman plans fun day sampling hand sanitizers in Grand-Rue boutiques
Motivated by the shortage of things to do and fear that if she spends another weekend indoors she’ll lose her mind, a woman from Esch has planned a visit to the capital on Saturday to sample free hand sanitizer in Grand-Rue boutiques. “I’m so excited just thinking about all those fancy scented hydroalcoholic gels,” said […]
Great news: gym has slot open next Thursday from 6:15 to 6:45 am
A Luxembourg man has raised his arms and sung hymns of praise after successfully booking an early morning half-hour slot at his fitness center next week. “I heard that my gym was open again, but not from them because apparently they yet haven’t yet mastered the difficult art of website and social media updates,” said […]
It couldn’t wait till Monday: fairy godmother appears and fixes Luxembourg woman’s grey roots
A Luxembourg woman who fell into a pit of despair after closely examining her grey roots was miraculously saved when her fairy godmother appeared with a hair dye kit. The woman, a 29-year-old resident of Ettelbruck, has been carefully counting the days until hair salons are allowed to reopen next week. However, she had an […]
Couple turn into gelatinous blobs after 1 week with no gym
Unable to work out since their gym was ordered to close last week, a fitness-loving couple from Capellen have turned into blobs of untoned flesh. The two were discovered by their cleaning lady on Wednesday afternoon. At first, the woman mistook them for melted ice cream, but when she attempted to clean up the mess, […]
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