Citing the need to reopen society as soon as possible before we all lose our minds, an engineer from Luxembourg has developed a vaccination gun capable of delivering 500 shots per minute. “I read that it might take months to get most of Luxembourg vaccinated,” said Jean Wayne, creator of the Vaccinator 2400. “That’s not […]
Scientists: second wave of COVID memes will be ‘much worse’
Scientists from the University of Wiltz have issued a dire warning that the second wave of COVID-19 memes will almost certainly be much worse than the first. “What we saw from March through early summer was a proliferation of coronavirus-themed memes that actually sucked and got really old, really fast,” said Dr. Rufus Bard, who […]
NASA unable to find signs of life in Luxembourg
After spending nearly four weeks exploring the surface of Luxembourg City and its surroundings, a rover sent by the U.S. space agency NASA has failed to find signs of life here. “We had good reason to believe that there would be life in Luxembourg,” said project head Roberta Desoleet. “Through telescopes we’ve observed the existence […]
Scientists create microscopic dog for Luxembourg grandmothers
Saying that one of the country’s biggest problems has been solved, a team of scientists from Luxembourg have created the Nanohuahua, a microscopic dog that is finally small enough to please local grandmothers. “For too long, local grannies have been stuck getting dogs that are too big,” said Dr. Henrick Zolantin, who oversaw the University […]
Supercomputer ‘totally confused’ by plan to house it in Luxembourg
A European supercomputer scheduled to be installed in Luxembourg in 2020 has issued a sharp rebuke to the plan, saying you don’t need to be capable of performing quadrillions of calculations per second to figure out that it’s too expensive here. “I’m totally confused, because these people tell me I’m going to Luxembourg to help […]