CLOCHE D’OR — A man being called “the Bear Grylls of Luxembourg’s dedicated car-driving community” has survived a harrowing 46 seconds outside in extreme heat while he trekked from his car to his office. On Wednesday, Jacques Becker, a 36-year-old senior lawyer from Wormeldange, was thrust into the life-or-death situation after discovering that someone had […]
Office magician to do trick where he turns 1 day off into 5
A colleague and amateur magician who performs under the names the Dazzling Deceiver and the Phenomenal Faker has announced that for his next trick, he’s going to take a single public holiday in the middle of the week and turn it into five days off in a row. “Ladies and gentlemen, some of you say […]
Local pussy afraid to take parental leave
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A veritable walking bouquet of delicate flowers has confirmed his status as a pussy by backing down after being challenged to take six months of parental leave. A visibly anxious Theobald Hausmann, 33, made the announcement to his wife Christina last week after she repeatedly encouraged him to take time off to bond […]
Report: only people at work are those actually ill
A nationwide survey has revealed that the only people at work in Luxembourg today are those who are verifiably ill, whereas everyone who called in sick is exaggerating their symptoms, faking it, or staying home because everyone else is doing it and why be a fool. “The 134,438 pathetic individuals who pulled themselves out of […]
Cheap company having Christmas party 6 weeks late at filthy bar in middle of nowhere
A Luxembourg financial services firm has announced that it will thank its 56 hardworking employees by throwing a holiday party six weeks after the holidays ended, and that the event will be held in a remote cafe that is known mostly for the likelihood of getting food poisoning while eating there. “January has continued to […]
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