GASPERICH — An office worker described as “wicked to the core” whose “sadism is matched only by his cleverness” has devised a plan to sow jealousy and depression at his workplace by waiting until September to go on holiday. Kevin Goosens, 31, is alleged to have come up with the sinister idea all the way […]
Man survives 46-second walk from air-conditioned car to air-conditioned office
CLOCHE D’OR — A man being called “the Bear Grylls of Luxembourg’s dedicated car-driving community” has survived a harrowing 46 seconds outside in extreme heat while he trekked from his car to his office. On Wednesday, Jacques Becker, a 36-year-old senior lawyer from Wormeldange, was thrust into the life-or-death situation after discovering that someone had […]
Office magician to do trick where he turns 1 day off into 5
A colleague and amateur magician who performs under the names the Dazzling Deceiver and the Phenomenal Faker has announced that for his next trick, he’s going to take a single public holiday in the middle of the week and turn it into five days off in a row. “Ladies and gentlemen, some of you say […]
Local pussy afraid to take parental leave
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A veritable walking bouquet of delicate flowers has confirmed his status as a pussy by backing down after being challenged to take six months of parental leave. A visibly anxious Theobald Hausmann, 33, made the announcement to his wife Christina last week after she repeatedly encouraged him to take time off to bond […]
Report: only people at work are those actually ill
A nationwide survey has revealed that the only people at work in Luxembourg today are those who are verifiably ill, whereas everyone who called in sick is exaggerating their symptoms, faking it, or staying home because everyone else is doing it and why be a fool. “The 134,438 pathetic individuals who pulled themselves out of […]
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