DUBAI — Planners behind the Luxembourg pavilion at the Dubai 2020 World Expo have decided to leave the site “under perpetual construction” to give visitors a more accurate vision of life in the Grand Duchy. “We originally planned to complete a beautiful, modern three-story edifice in the shape of a Möbius strip, with a light […]
Archives for November 2019
6 Luxembourgish place names that sound like sex acts*
Péiteng If you and your partner engage in this, make sure to bring a raincoat and an umbrella. Dikrech While this might sound like kinky fun, it usually results in an emergency visit to the urologist. Suessem Usually requires at least one participant to make noises suggestive of a vacuum cleaner. Rëmeleng Highly inadvisable, especially […]
Man crawls across Luxembourg City to raise awareness for dangers of after-work drinks
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Repeatedly saying “ugh” and cursing at everyone who offered to help him, a man has crawled all the way through the capital as part of a one-man campaign to raise awareness for the dangers of after-work drinks. “Two-for-one cocktails, oh, uh, not my fault, barman made ‘em strong, too strong,” said Bereldange resident […]
Moien, um, please restructure your administration to meet my linguistic needs
Moien, bonjour, and guten whatever. Do you speak English? Great, that’s a relief. Um, could you please restructure your administration to meet my linguistic needs? I know, I realize that would require tens of thousands of civil servants to sort of, um, yeah, take one or 10 English courses, a difficult proficiency exam, maybe spend […]
‘Close all 12 streets that remain open,’ orders VDL official with maniacal laughter
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At a press conference on Wednesday to address the traffic crisis, the official who oversees transportation and roadworks in the city suddenly grew annoyed with criticism and, in a moment of madness, ordered the remaining 12 open streets to be closed. The official, going by the alias “Minister X,” at first attempted to […]