Responding to criticism that the worsening traffic in Luxembourg City is tearing the social fabric, a top official is reminding the public that inconvenience is the price to pay for the construction of a light rail network. “Look, you wanted a tram, so that means digging holes and laying tracks,” said Lettie Folper, the city’s […]
Archives for November 2019
Home burglary fastest growing jobs sector
The Grand Duchy’s office for unofficial statistics, UNSTATEC, has released new figures showing that home burglary is now the biggest jobs sector, beating out more established ones like sausage farming and orchid sitting. To local burglars, the report comes as no surprise. “Luxembourg is full of homes, nice unguarded homes,” said one burglar who last […]
Gang of Luxembourg City teens rush into cafe, order food, sit quietly
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Panic gripped the staff of a cafe in the city center on Monday when a group of at least 15 young men rushed into the cafe and surrounded the barista. “They were all dressed like gang members in tight designer jeans, expensive hoodies, and clean, new sports shoes,” said the barista. “I feared […]
Man in Luxembourg locker room casually blow dries his balls
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Members of a popular fitness club were given an unwanted show in the changing room on Saturday when a man who had taken a shower openly blow dried his testicles. The act was performed while the man chatted with two other gym-goers, both of whom seemed unsurprised when the man dropped his towel, […]
Confusion, anger as man tries to speak to Delhaize employee in German
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At least one person was severely confused while a dozen people were left mildly irritated on Wednesday after a man at a Delhaize in the capital attempted to speak German to an employee stocking shelves. “Hallo,” said the man, who was later identified as a Koblenz construction worker named Manfred. “Wo ist der […]