Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Cannibals demand gatherings be limited to 1.5 people

The organization that represents cannibals in the Grand Duchy is speaking out against the government, claiming that it’s “dangerous and irresponsible” to continue allowing gatherings of two or three people. “As we all learned in science class, all you need for virus transmission to occur are two individuals,” said Luxembourg Union of Cannibals president Jean […]

Luxembourg described as ‘fun’ for first time

Surprising even its staunchest defenders, for the first time Luxembourg is being described as the most exciting travel destination in Europe. “People keep asking about this Luxembourg place they’re hearing about,” said London-based tour guide Polly Letusin. “Overnight, the country has turned fun.” Among the Grand Duchy’s offerings, says Letusin, are activities you can’t do […]

NASA unable to find signs of life in Luxembourg

After spending nearly four weeks exploring the surface of Luxembourg City and its surroundings, a rover sent by the U.S. space agency NASA has failed to find signs of life here. “We had good reason to believe that there would be life in Luxembourg,” said project head Roberta Desoleet. “Through telescopes we’ve observed the existence […]

Breaking: someone sneezed

Fear and confusion broke out across Luxembourg on Wednesday morning after someone sneezed, according to multiple reports. The violent expulsion was first felt by Jonathan Freeland, who was relaxing at a coffee shop on Avenue de la Liberté in the capital. A preliminary investigation failed to determine which of the 15 or so people in […]

Catastrophic mix-up as new Lux restaurant serves ‘German quality with French portions’

ALZINGEN — It’s been remarked that Luxembourgish food is “French quality with German portions,” but one confused restaurant owner settled on something quite the opposite. Guy Grauffman says it was always his dream to open a Luxembourgish restaurant, one that would showcase his country’s home-cooked culinary treasures in an upscale setting that might attract business […]