LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Amid battle cries and hastily composed text messages bidding goodbye to loved ones, a group of brave expats ventured into a neighborhood working-class bar. The expats, who normally only go to trendy pubs where servers speak flawless English accented with just the right amount of irony and automatically slide you an imported IPA […]
Everyone getting Luxembourgish nationality except you
A new report from the Ministry of Expat Affairs has confirmed that everyone in Luxembourg who is not already Luxembourgish will be by the middle of next year — with the notable exception of you. “Becoming Luxembourgish is, like, super quick and fun, and seriously man, everyone is doing it,” said Minister Paul Baresi. “Honestly, […]
Anglophone unable to pronounce ‘vin chaud’
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — An expat’s valiant effort to order seasonal mulled wine ended in catastrophic failure on Sunday after vendors at Luxembourg’s Christmas market couldn’t understand what he was saying. During several tense minutes, the 39-year-old anglophone tried to express that he wanted “vin chaud,” trying variations that included van chowed, vine show, and even voucher. […]
Sad: nobody will visit couple in Thionville
An expat couple who moved from Luxembourg to Thionville in search of cheaper housing have been unable to persuade anyone to visit them, according to friends who are regularly badgered to make the arduous journey. “Thionville is quite close, literally 30 kilometers away,” Phil Kulik told friends during a night out in Clausen last weekend. […]
‘I love the diversity of Luxembourg,’ says expat who only socializes with own socio-ethno-linguistic group
A woman who only socializes with people who strongly resemble her in looks, language, and income has announced that she loves the diversity of Luxembourg. “There are so many nationalities represented here, it’s a veritable cornucopia of cultures,” she said. “And you can really enjoy them from a safe distance, like, through the tinted windows […]