Saying they need a nation-branding slogan that speaks more to young people, Luxembourg has decided to rebrand itself with a new slogan: “Luxembourg: satellites, sex, and drugs.” “Technically, it’s not untrue,” said one source from deep within the secretive world of nation-branding. “We’ve got SES Astra, which operates God knows how many satellites. Satellites are […]
Man comes out as renter
After years of hiding the truth from his friends and coworkers, a man who by all outward appearances seemed financially comfortable has admitted he is a renter. Those who know Franklin Diambi say the 35-year-old lawyer always acted like he was just one of them and never mentioned a landlord or property management company. “He’s […]
Husband replaced with robot that comments on weather
A woman from Esch-sur-Alzette has found a cheap and energy-efficient alternative to her husband: a robot that looks out the window and makes obvious remarks about the weather. “That’s the only thing he was good for,” the 42-year-old woman said. “Which was handy when I didn’t feel like turning my head to see for myself.” […]
Scandalous lie: Luxembourger claims he speaks ‘a little’ English
A Luxembourger who was approached on the street by a tourist has lied about his language skills, it has been revealed. Nicolas Goergen, 44, was waiting for a bus after work on Thursday when an unidentified woman in her mid-20s asked if he spoke English. With a calm, frank look on his face, Goergen replied […]
Police to deploy Kachkéis cannons against protestors
Saying extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, Luxembourg police have announced they are going to set up a line of kachkéis cannons as a defensive measure in Friday’s announced protest by Polish miners. “Kachkéis is a known deterrent against foreign aggressors,” said police spokesperson Marco Trausch. “Which is why every Luxembourger has at least one […]
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