A country that had been in a sour mood since November must have been massively shagged over the weekend, sources have claimed. According to colleagues, Luxembourg showed up to work on Monday morning grinning, smelling of passion, and humming the song “Walking on Sunshine.” “Hey, moien, et geet!” Luxembourg said when it threw the office […]
Boss admits she’s been sticking her tongue out at everyone all this time
One of the founding partners of a respected Luxembourg law firm has announced that ever since it became mandatory last year to wear masks in the office, she’s been unable to stop sticking out her tongue at everyone. “Because I’m impatient and ill-tempered, people might have assumed those were puffs of air pushing my mask […]
Man attempts conversation with strangers in supermarket elevator
STRASSEN — Proving again that Luxembourg is no longer the bastion of safety and order it once was, a man attacked two strangers on Sunday by attempting to talk to them in a supermarket elevator. “It’s busy today, huh?” said the attacker to two other shoppers as the elevator slowly descended. The female shopper nervously […]
Miracle: friend believed to be lost to Covid now wants to drink beer on a terrace
A friend everyone believed had tragically succumbed to Covid now wants to meet for a beer on a terrace, according to reports. The last anyone in the group of friends had heard from Phil Sullivan, a 34-year-old project manager who lives in Clausen, was last autumn just as bars and restaurants were ordered to close. […]
VDL mayor considering opening the fully functional, 26-station metro that was built in 90s
LUXEMBOURG CITY — Admitting that traffic has not improved much despite the tram, Mayor Lydie Polfer says it might be time to start using the 26-station underground rail network that was built under the city in the late 1990s. “It’s been there for ages,” she said to an aide on Monday while the two were […]
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