Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Luxembourg to create ‘own international celebrity’

Luxembourg officials have announced they’re ready to take the next step in becoming an important global actor: create the country’s first international celebrity. “Develop our commercial space industry, check,” said Carlos Hombart of the Initiative for International Recognition. “Become the first country in the world to offer nation-wide, free public transport, check.” “Create the first […]

Luxembourg ‘paid world’s mapmakers to exaggerate size’

In what’s being called Dwarfgate, investigators have uncovered a conspiracy to make Luxembourg appear bigger on maps.  The goal of the plot, say investigators, was to increase Luxembourg’s international standing and provide the additional benefit of making neighboring countries paranoid.  “This was a clear attempt by a country ranked 167 in terms of its geographical […]

Rich and influential country can’t even pull a few strings to get vaccine faster

A wealthy, influential country whose capital is one of the three seats of power in the European Union is unable to pull a few strings to get its residents vaccinated faster, it has been revealed.  “We’ve got all this money here in Luxembourg,” said one resident who’s been working at home since November and now […]

Massive operation to collect, preserve snow for future

Following the recent crystallized precipitation that is being described as “too precious to lose to rising temperatures,” a massive operation has been launched to collect and preserve what remains of the snowfall. Hundreds of volunteers have already gathered several tons which they’ve packed into plastic drums and transported to refrigerated storage units. The contents will […]