I’ve honestly had it up to here with the government. One day we’re the Greater Region’s shining model of sensibility and balance in regards to Covid measures, and the next day Mr. Bettel and his minions slap us with a curfew of 11, and a day later they drop the curfew to nine o’clock. What […]
Government announces plan to announce plan before announcing plan
On Monday, Prime Minister Xavier Bettel and several ministers announced a plan to announce a plan before announcing a plan. “We’re going to say something on Tuesday, and we want to tell you, the public, we are going to say it before we say it,” said a government spokesperson. “That way, you’ll know you’re going […]
Cannibals demand gatherings be limited to 1.5 people
The organization that represents cannibals in the Grand Duchy is speaking out against the government, claiming that it’s “dangerous and irresponsible” to continue allowing gatherings of two or three people. “As we all learned in science class, all you need for virus transmission to occur are two individuals,” said Luxembourg Union of Cannibals president Jean […]
Expat relieved government not interested in her opinion about Covid measures anyway
A woman who moved to Luxembourg six years ago is expressing relief that the government hasn’t taken into account her stance on dealing with Covid, because she doesn’t know what to think anyway. “It would be nice to feel like I’ve got some kind of voice here, whether through voting, which I can’t do because […]
Schengen to be broken into 26 little Schengens
BRUSSELS — Admitting that it’s no longer accurate to describe the 26-country area as a free-movement zone, European leaders have decided to carefully divide the Schengen area into 26 individual Schengen areas. European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen says that following a Zoom chat with national leaders, everyone agreed that it’s silly to go […]
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