Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Schneider building clone army to serve on thousands of more boards 

Saying one Etienne Schneider is not enough to fully capitalize a political career, Etienne Schneider has confirmed he’s building a clone army of himself. “Every clone will be just like the original, with the same insider knowledge of government and industry,” said a spokesperson for Kamino, the Moscow-based company that’s overseeing production. “Like Mr. Schneider, […]

Bettel to wear anti-slap scarf

Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf.  “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]

Government: you may now have up to five people in your home as long as one of them is a government spokesperson and you serve good snacks

A senior Luxembourg government spokesperson has given a press conference to clarify the rules about how many guests residents are allowed to have in their homes, saying that under certain circumstances the number can exceed four. “Technically, you may include a fifth person as long as that person is a government spokesperson and you serve […]

‘When’s weed going to be legal?’ man demands, for a friend 

A resident who finds it curious that the government promised years ago to legalize cannabis has demanded to know when they’re going to deliver.   “Not for me, it’s for a friend who is eagerly waiting,” he said. “Not that I’m opposed to cannabis, of course, and people say it’s safer than alcohol, less detrimental to […]