Isn’t this kitten cute? He’s kind of like, “Oh, I can’t be bothered. What? Oh, food. Yeah, in a little bit, when I’ve finished my nap.” But seriously, as far as kittens go, this one is one of the cutest. If you belonged to us, we’d name you Sleepyhead. There’s nothing weird about hundreds of […]
Bettel to make vaccinations not non-mandatory
In response to confusion as to why the government just doesn’t make vaccines mandatory for everyone if that is what it really wants, Luxembourg Prime Minister Xavier Bettel has confirmed he will make vaccines not non-mandatory. “It would not be right to oblige an ordinary person to get the jab if that person doesn’t want […]
Luxembourg agrees to make English official language ‘as long as we get to choose which English it is’
Facing yet more demands that English be adopted as the fourth official language of Luxembourg, the government has decided to agree on the condition that they choose which English it is. “To the Brits, don’t think we’re going to adopt the Queen’s English just because the UK is, or was, in Europe,” the government said […]
Schneider building clone army to serve on thousands of more boards
Saying that one Etienne Schneider is not enough to fully capitalize on a political career, Etienne Schneider has confirmed he’s building a clone army of himself. “Every clone will be just like the original, with the same insider knowledge of government and industry,” said a spokesperson for Kamino, the Moscow-based company that’s overseeing production. “Like […]
Bettel to wear anti-slap scarf
Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf. “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]
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