They say that first impressions are usually (correction: always) the right impressions. That’s why we have taken a rapid look at each party’s website to determine what they stand for – whether they know it or not. LSAP This is the party for people who love going to see movies, and LSAP members have the […]
Government to lower housing prices by spreading rumor country has cooties
The government of Luxembourg has announced a plan to drastically reduce housing prices by spreading a rumor that the entire country has cooties. Cooties is a highly infectious and possibly imaginary disease that little boys often accuse little girls of having, claims to which girls then say, “No, you have cooties.” Officials say state employees […]
Oh, no: NATO meant to send Putin a warning letter but accidentally gave him this adorable photo of kitten
In what is being compared to General Eisenhower trying to send Hitler a note that said “surrender now” but instead giving him a fantastic recipe for rhubarb pie, NATO has accidentally mailed Russian president Vladimir Putin a photo of a kitten. NATO spokesperson Bernard Easibrot said that the organization had intended on posting Putin a […]
Luxembourg parliament accidentally votes in favor of vaccine ‘man dates’
Luxembourg’s parliament on Tuesday voted nearly unanimously in favor of vaccine “man dates,” a typo that is now law and unfortunately cannot be undone. “I don’t know what man dates are exactly, but I’ve seen enough Hollywood comedies to make a guess,” said one deputy from the CSV. “It’s when a couple of dudes go […]
Mugger relieved police not there for him
A Luxembourg City mugger was greatly relieved to learn on Saturday that a group of police officers in an armored vehicle were speeding toward protestors near the Glacis who refused to disperse – and not him. “I was hanging out in the city center looking for a suitable victim for my next purse grab, when […]
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