The government of Luxembourg has announced a plan to drastically reduce housing prices by spreading a rumor that the entire country has cooties. Cooties is a highly infectious and possibly imaginary disease that little boys often accuse little girls of having, claims to which girls then say, “No, you have cooties.” Officials say state employees […]
Oh, no: NATO meant to send Putin a warning letter but accidentally gave him this adorable photo of kitten
In what is being compared to General Eisenhower trying to send Hitler a note that said “surrender now” but instead giving him a fantastic recipe for rhubarb pie, NATO has accidentally mailed Russian president Vladimir Putin a photo of a kitten. NATO spokesperson Bernard Easibrot said that the organization had intended on posting Putin a […]
Luxembourg parliament accidentally votes in favor of vaccine ‘man dates’
Luxembourg’s parliament on Tuesday voted nearly unanimously in favor of vaccine “man dates,” a typo that is now law and unfortunately cannot be undone. “I don’t know what man dates are exactly, but I’ve seen enough Hollywood comedies to make a guess,” said one deputy from the CSV. “It’s when a couple of dudes go […]
Mugger relieved police not there for him
A Luxembourg City mugger was greatly relieved to learn on Saturday that a group of police officers in an armored vehicle were speeding toward protestors near the Glacis who refused to disperse – and not him. “I was hanging out in the city center looking for a suitable victim for my next purse grab, when […]
Revealed: everyone a little hesitant to criticize government because everyone getting subsidies
In response to the question why there is not more public criticism of the the new Covid-19 law, the government’s hardline stance against protestors, and last weekend’s show of force that involved hundreds or even thousands of cops, many of them imported, and an actual water cannon, it has been revealed that everyone is getting […]
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