In response to widespread confusion about why people are clearing out stocks of toilet paper in this time of the coronavirus pandemic, one intellectually intrepid philosopher says he has figured out why. “Why do people rush to supermarkets and fill up their shopping cards with toilet paper?” said Dr. Manfred Kneis, professor of logic, mathematics, […]
Man: wine with castle on label must be good
A Luxembourg resident who spent 20 minutes looking for a “decent but affordable” bottle of wine on Monday settled on one he determined was of superior quality due to an illustration of a castle on the label. “Anytime you see a castle or the word ‘château,’ you know it’s got to be good,” the man […]
Lazy shopkeeper only now putting out Christmas stuff
A woman who runs a gift shop in the centre of Luxembourg City has admitted to “extreme laziness” and “insensitivity to customers who love holiday-themed junk” as the reason why she’s only now putting out her annual Christmas display. Sources indicate that the shopkeeper only started lighting Christmas-scented candles in the beginning of November, and […]
Confusion, anger as man tries to speak to Delhaize employee in German
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At least one person was severely confused while a dozen people were left mildly irritated on Wednesday after a man at a Delhaize in the capital attempted to speak German to an employee stocking shelves. “Hallo,” said the man, who was later identified as a Koblenz construction worker named Manfred. “Wo ist der […]
Grand-Rue boutique remains cool thanks to saleswoman’s icy personality
A shop on the Grand-Rue that specialises in designer accessories has become an impromptu refuge from the extreme heat, thanks to a saleswoman named Judith whose icy personality is now serving a purpose. “I was walking along the Grand-Rue, wiping the sweat from my scorched face and wondering if this is what hell is like, […]