LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Using lies, threats, and old-fashioned schoolyard taunts, a local child amassed so many Cactus emojis that she is now considered to be the country’s number one crime boss. Nine-year-old Sophie Goergen became the subject of an investigation earlier this month after reports emerged that she had illicitly obtained hundreds of the tiny figures […]
Judge sentences local hooligan to 8 hours of Christmas shopping at Auchan
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Saying that she was applying the full force of justice, on Tuesday a Luxembourg judge sentenced a local troublemaker to spend an entire Saturday at Auchan in Kirchberg during the last days before Christmas. “This sentence may seem cruel, but it only matches the wickedness of your misdeeds,” said the presiding judge. The […]
Scary new drug craze: Luxembourg mothers addicted to Cactus candles
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — By day her name was Marie-Antoinette Hoffmann, a part-time language teacher and dedicated mother of three. But by night, she was known as “Mam Bougie” and police say she ran a candle-dealing operation that stretched from Clervaux all the way to Differdange. For readers who are unaware of the dangerous new trend, […]
Slavery in Luxembourg: gas station cashiers forced to offer discounted sweets to every customer
Authorities in the Grand Duchy are investigating several cases of slavery after dozens of residents reported that gas station cashiers appear to be forced to offer promotional chocolate items to every customer. “One week it’s two-for-one Kinder Bueno, and the next it’s 30 percent off a pack of king-sized Twix bars, but the routine never […]
Friendly Luxembourg sales assistant obviously new at this
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — An employee at a shop in the center is obviously new to this job, as evidenced by her friendliness and eagerness, according to observers. Customers were shocked last week when they stepped into the gift boutique near the Grand Rue and were warmly greeted with offers to help them locate items. Stay-at-home mother […]