LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A weak and dramatic man has succumbed to man flu, several women close to him have derisively reported. It was two weeks ago when a local resident named Mark, whose last name is being withheld at the request of embarrassed women in his family, began to report symptoms of the imaginary disease. When […]
Archives for February 2019
Report: only people at work are those actually ill
A nationwide survey has revealed that the only people at work in Luxembourg today are those who are verifiably ill, whereas everyone who called in sick is exaggerating their symptoms, faking it, or staying home because everyone else is doing it and why be a fool. “The 134,438 pathetic individuals who pulled themselves out of […]
American defeats French resident in Luxembourg Monolingual Championships
An American has been named Luxembourg’s top monolingual after narrowly beating a French resident who had held the title for three years. Project engineer Robin Slater, from the U.S. state of Iowa, defeated Ludovic Binard, originally from Dijon, in a brutal final match during which they incomprehensibly spoke at each other for three hours. Although […]
Grown man destroyed by visit to Control Technique
Despite weeks of intensive training to build his psychological endurance, a Luxembourg man has been left in a state of emotional ruin following a car inspection at Controle Technique. Gerrick Llewellyn, 56, says he knows the annual car inspections are unpleasant, but the one he experienced on Wednesday sent his body and mind into shutdown […]
Luxembourg buys French region Lorraine for use as giant parking lot
Amid a collective sigh of relief from local drivers who face difficulties finding parking spots in the capital, France has agreed to sell its entire northeastern area of Lorraine to be converted into a giant lot for Luxembourg cars. The large plot will accommodate up to 10 million vehicles, says project head Fernand Braun, and […]