GASPERICH — An office worker described as “wicked to the core” whose “sadism is matched only by his cleverness” has devised a plan to sow jealousy and depression at his workplace by waiting until September to go on holiday. Kevin Goosens, 31, is alleged to have come up with the sinister idea all the way […]
Archives for August 2019
‘Franglais’ recognised as official EU language
Amid shouts of “c’est très good” and “at longue last,” Franglais has become the 24th official language of the European Union. Franglais, a blend of French and English, has been spoken for centuries by the upper echelons of both francophone and anglophone societies, usually by those wishing to seem educated and worldly even as they’re […]
Mattel to release Luxembourg Expat Barbie
Following up on a promise to create more dolls tailored for specific global markets, the American toy manufacturer Mattel has announced plans to release a new Barbie inspired by Luxembourg’s many wealthy expats. Luxembourg Expat Barbie will come with a dozen designer outfits, all with labels found on the Grand-Rue. While some of the outfits […]
Exhausted parents demand immediate end to summer holidays
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Chanting “eight weeks of summer holidays is seven weeks too long,” hundreds of local parents took to the streets on Wednesday to demand that schools immediately reopen and “take back these sticky-faced parasites before we all go insane.” Bettembourg father Dag Linwood, 39, says he’s gone through a whole summer’s worth of activities […]
5 alternatives to forcing restaurants to give free tap water
Increasingly fed up with the widespread practice among restaurants of refusing to serve tap water, some residents are calling for a law that would require it to be offered for free. Is such a law really necessary? Here are five simple alternatives. Bathroom faucet Those calling for free tap water are oblivious to the fact […]