Inhabitants of Luxembourg’s northern lands have finally received news of the coronavirus, according to tribal elders who rule the remote region. “Several moons ago, we sensed a great panic followed by a calm emanating from the southern lands,” explained Claude Sassal, 67, who leads the Sassel tribe. “As well as a reduction in the number […]
Archives for April 2020
‘Stop claiming you’re teaching,’ say actual teachers
Parents in Luxembourg who complain-brag about having to become full-time teachers are being reminded that putting your child in front of a tablet for three hours every morning doesn’t count as teaching, nor does it count as doing something full-time. “Having your kid binge-watch educational videos doesn’t mean you’re a teacher now,” say teachers. “It […]
Tinder user wants to know when he can go back to banging new chick every night
A Tinder user from Luxembourg City has confirmed that he hasn’t had a one-night stand since mid-March, and he’s calling on the government to let him know when he’ll be able start banging a new chick every night again. “It’s cool that Hornbach is open in case I need some bathroom tiles or a can […]
‘One month equals 46,080 minutes,’ demonic child informs mother
A child from Beggen who is clearly driven by evil and a desire to inflict pain on innocent people casually informed his mother on Wednesday evening that one month equals 46,080 minutes. The vile calculation came just moments after Betina Moltze, 36, told her son Viktor that the Ministry of Education had announced that schools […]
