The organization that represents cannibals in the Grand Duchy is speaking out against the government, claiming that it’s “dangerous and irresponsible” to continue allowing gatherings of two or three people. “As we all learned in science class, all you need for virus transmission to occur are two individuals,” said Luxembourg Union of Cannibals president Jean […]
‘Meteor’ just man racing to get home before 11 p.m. curfew
What appeared to be a meteor shooting through the sky above Luxembourg on Tuesday night turned out to be a driver racing to get home before curfew. A truck driver spotted the ball of fire passing him on the A13 motorway shortly before 11 p.m., and dozens of law-abiding people at home in the south […]
Intruders break into Luxembourg home and force man to eat his kids’ Christmas chocolate
BERTRANGE — A man working from home was the victim of an unusual crime on Thursday when masked intruders entered the apartment and forced him to eat all of his kids’ Christmas chocolate, including every last item in their Advent calendars. After returning from school, the man’s horrified children, aged seven and nine, launched an […]
Couple stop calling dog their ‘child’ due to 2-guest rule
Following the passage of the two-guests-maximum rule in November, a couple from Esch-sur-Alzette have finally stopped referring to their dog as their “child.” For years, Susana Carvalhosa and António Ferreira, both 32, claimed that Mimi was their human offspring, which at first garnered some “oohs” and “awws” but quickly began to annoy everybody. However, a […]
Man begs dominatrix to escalate pain by showing him property listings
A Luxembourg City man who was approaching the end of a session with a professional dominatrix has begged her to escalate his pain by showing him local property listings, according to sources. The man, who has been a renter since moving here nine years ago, visits the Kirchberg BDSM dungeon at least once a week. […]
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