Unable to work out since their gym was ordered to close last week, a fitness-loving couple from Capellen have turned into blobs of untoned flesh. The two were discovered by their cleaning lady on Wednesday afternoon. At first, the woman mistook them for melted ice cream, but when she attempted to clean up the mess, […]
Woman working from home still blaming traffic for being late every morning
A woman who invariably blames traffic for being late to work every day is still using the excuse, even now that she’s working from home. On Monday morning, the project manager was 10 minutes late for a budget review meeting on Webex, forcing the other participants to endure small talk about weather, humidity, and mold […]
Pervert imagines what women look like under their masks
A pervert who travels around Luxembourg on public transport has allegedly been staring at the bottom half of women’s faces in a sick attempt to imagine what they look like under their masks. “That bastard was staring at my cheeks the whole bus ride,” said Ruby Polimer, who fell victim to the man’s lecherous gaze […]
Is your friend inviting you over for dinner or is this a police operation?
OETRANGE — A woman who received a dinner invitation for her whole family doesn’t know if the invitation is genuine or if the message is a part of a police operation to catch would-be offenders, she has confirmed. “That seems kind of weird that Alex is inviting us over, considering how freaked out about the […]
How to survive Ikea being closed
With the Ikea near Arlon still closed, many Luxembourg residents have been forced to delay their furnishing and redecorating projects, causing them to suffer from sadness and anxiety. “Most of us aren’t equipped to handle a long wait for ready-to-assemble furniture and stylish, cheap accessories,” said Dr. M. Alphonse, a psychiatrist in Luxembourg City. “We […]
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