LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Officials in the Grand Duchy have made an emergency declaration that effective immediately, today is cancelled. The main reason for the cancellation is a combination of bad weather and high levels of malaise, the danger of which increases tenfold when the combination occurs on this day of the week. “A rainy Tuesday contains […]
Half of Luxembourg population turn into slugs
In a sudden, nation-wide transformation that began earlier this week, at least half of Luxembourg’s some 600,000 human residents have transformed into slugs. “Just leave me alone, okay?” gurgled one slug named Serenella, who was spotted on Thursday slinking off to the Walferdange restaurant she manages. “At this pace, it’s going to take me forever […]
7 tips for newcomers to Luxembourg
New to Luxembourg and feeling a bit overwhelmed? Follow these tips to make settling in a piece of Kuch. Paperwork It may seem like you’ve got a ton of paperwork to do, but trust us, it can all be done at the local commune, you know, your local town hall thingy place. Just ask for […]
5 fun ways to celebrate depression season in Luxembourg
With the weather turning to crap and the summer fading into a hazy memory, depression season in Luxembourg is here. What are some fun ways to celebrate the arrival of these dark months? Serve depression-themed cocktails There’s no better way to kick off depression season than with a strong drink, because we know that’s your […]
Exhausted parents demand immediate end to summer holidays
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Chanting “eight weeks of summer holidays is seven weeks too long,” hundreds of local parents took to the streets on Wednesday to demand that schools immediately reopen and “take back these sticky-faced parasites before we all go insane.” Bettembourg father Dag Linwood, 39, says he’s gone through a whole summer’s worth of activities […]
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