ESCH-SUR-ALZETTE — A line of criminals waiting to blow up a cash machine early Thursday morning had to wait 15 minutes while an elderly thief in front of them struggled to find the right place to insert his explosive device. “Hey, grandpa, we don’t have all day,” angrily whispered Hubert Beenhouwer, who was already late […]
Monolingual Luxembourger discovered
A woman believed to be the only Luxembourger who speaks just one language has been found in the north of the country where she claims to have spent the last 80 years living in a cave. The party of hikers who found the woman on Sunday say she didn’t understand when they addressed her in […]
Luxembourg officials: today cancelled
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Officials in the Grand Duchy have made an emergency declaration that effective immediately, today is cancelled. The main reason for the cancellation is a combination of bad weather and high levels of malaise, the danger of which increases tenfold when the combination occurs on this day of the week. “A rainy Tuesday contains […]
Half of Luxembourg population turn into slugs
In a sudden, nation-wide transformation that began earlier this week, at least half of Luxembourg’s some 600,000 human residents have transformed into slugs. “Just leave me alone, okay?” gurgled one slug named Serenella, who was spotted on Thursday slinking off to the Walferdange restaurant she manages. “At this pace, it’s going to take me forever […]
7 tips for newcomers to Luxembourg
New to Luxembourg and feeling a bit overwhelmed? Follow these tips to make settling in a piece of Kuch. Paperwork It may seem like you’ve got a ton of paperwork to do, but trust us, it can all be done at the local commune, you know, your local town hall thingy place. Just ask for […]
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