Prompting a series of rather clumsy admissions from politicians, diplomats, and historians alike, an old friend from home has asserted that Luxembourg is actually in Germany. “Hey, long time no see, where are you living now?” the friend, whom you hadn’t seen in nearly 10 years, said when you saw him at a bar during […]
Snow gives Luxembourg drivers valuable opportunity to drive like total crap
A few centimeters of snow is cause for auto commuters in the Grand Duchy to suddenly lose any semblance of driving abilities and instead recklessly drift around like intoxicated and nearly blind grandmothers who have taken too much cold medication. “Even though my Range Rover is equipped with snow tires and the streets have already […]
Everyone getting Luxembourgish nationality except you
A new report from the Ministry of Expat Affairs has confirmed that everyone in Luxembourg who is not already Luxembourgish will be by the middle of next year — with the notable exception of you. “Becoming Luxembourgish is, like, super quick and fun, and seriously man, everyone is doing it,” said Minister Paul Baresi. “Honestly, […]
Luxair opens routes to Strassen, Hamilius
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Commuters who are fed up with traffic congestion in the capital will soon be able to fly their way to work. A spokesperson for Luxair says that the airline is opening five domestic routes to and from Luxembourg Airport in Findel. The new routes will connect the airport with Esch-sur-Alzette, Grevenmacher, Mersch, Strassen […]
Luxembourg newsagent clearly has crush on Grand Duke
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Denying all claims that he has a crush on the reigning monarch, a newsagent in the city center nevertheless has shown an unusual fondness for displaying in his shop portraits of Grand Duke Henri. “I only put them there for my customers, many of whom are Luxembourgish and like that sort of respectful […]