Admitting that the paper face masks sent to all residents of the Grand Duchy might not last long, Prime Minister Xavier Bettel announced that he’s going to donate 200,001 scarves from his personal collection for residents to cover their mouths and noses. “Oosh voosh oon moosh loosh,” he said at a press conference on Wednesday, […]
6 signs you may be losing your mind
These are difficult times. Many of us feel like we’re losing our minds. But are we really? Here are six signs. Considering eating kachkéis Yes, there it is, sitting in the back of your fridge like some kind of assassin who’s been in hiding this whole time. You bought it as a joke, for a […]
News of the virus reaches northern Luxembourg
Inhabitants of Luxembourg’s northern lands have finally received news of the coronavirus, according to tribal elders who rule the remote region. “Several moons ago, we sensed a great panic followed by a calm emanating from the southern lands,” explained Claude Sassal, 67, who leads the Sassel tribe. “As well as a reduction in the number […]
‘Get in our way and we’ll breathe in your face,’ Luxembourg joggers remind public
Luxembourg joggers have issued a reminder that if they approach you on the sidewalk and you don’t get out of their way, they’re going to breathe in your face, but only for a moment, and in any case you shouldn’t be alarmed. “I’m a fitness addict who hasn’t had a cold in six years, so […]
‘Beautiful day to spread coronavirus,’ says everyone outside today
Thousands of people in Luxembourg looked out the window this morning, saw the clear skies, and decided it was ideal weather to go outside and spread the coronavirus a little. “It would be a shame to spend the beautiful day inside, keeping our germs to ourselves,” said father Alarvo Encants, a resident of Luxembourg City. […]
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