Inhabitants of Luxembourg’s northern lands have finally received news of the coronavirus, according to tribal elders who rule the remote region. “Several moons ago, we sensed a great panic followed by a calm emanating from the southern lands,” explained Claude Sassal, 67, who leads the Sassel tribe. “As well as a reduction in the number […]
‘Get in our way and we’ll breathe in your face,’ Luxembourg joggers remind public
Luxembourg joggers have issued a reminder that if they approach you on the sidewalk and you don’t get out of their way, they’re going to breathe in your face, but only for a moment, and in any case you shouldn’t be alarmed. “I’m a fitness addict who hasn’t had a cold in six years, so […]
‘Beautiful day to spread coronavirus,’ says everyone outside today
Thousands of people in Luxembourg looked out the window this morning, saw the clear skies, and decided it was ideal weather to go outside and spread the coronavirus a little. “It would be a shame to spend the beautiful day inside, keeping our germs to ourselves,” said father Alarvo Encants, a resident of Luxembourg City. […]
‘I never signed up for this shit,’ says supermarket employee
A Luxembourg supermarket employee earning minimum wage has confirmed that when she got hired last year, no one told her she might have to sacrifice her own health and life in the line of duty. “I don’t recall signing anything saying that in case of war, I’d be given a pair of latex gloves and […]
Our partners’ 6 most annoying habits (coronavirus edition)
When we agree to move in with a romantic partner, we’re often unaware of their annoying habits, habits that are now painfully obvious – like a stick stuck in our eyes and ears. Here are the six most common. Cleaning but not the way we like it Now that they’re at home 24 hours a […]
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