A nationwide survey has revealed that the only people at work in Luxembourg today are those who are verifiably ill, whereas everyone who called in sick is exaggerating their symptoms, faking it, or staying home because everyone else is doing it and why be a fool. “The 134,438 pathetic individuals who pulled themselves out of […]
Luxembourg office worker awarded for outstanding sick performances
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A steel company employee known to fake illness at least twice a month has been recognized for her tremendous achievements in acting. At its annual awards ceremony on Friday, the Luxembourg Work Actors’ Guild awarded Aurélie Bardol the Best Acting Sick prize, a golden statuette of a man calling in sick while simultaneously […]
Faking sickness in Luxembourg: three easy steps
In some countries, faking sickness requires careful preparation and an acting performance worthy of an Oscar. Not in Luxembourg. Want a few days off just because it’s Tuesday, the weather is bad, or your cat ate all the Nutella again? Follow these three steps: Inform your boss In the morning, send an email saying […]
Luxembourg teen’s smartphone fuses into hand
GASPERICH — A teenager described by his parents as “always on his phone” will now be stuck to it for the rest of his life. Lycée student Geoffrey de Kelpt, 17, says that he woke up one morning last week and realized that his phone had melded with his left hand. He is unable to […]
Compromise at last: Luxembourg smokers agree to stop exhaling in public
An agreement between the country’s most zealous smokers and its most vociferous anti-smokers was reached late Wednesday night, leading many to believe that hostility between the two camps will finally subside. The deal allows smokers to continue enjoying cigarettes pretty much anywhere in public—on the condition that they don’t exhale and find something else to […]
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