Moien, bonjour, and guten whatever. Do you speak English? Great, that’s a relief. Um, could you please restructure your administration to meet my linguistic needs? I know, I realize that would require tens of thousands of civil servants to sort of, um, yeah, take one or 10 English courses, a difficult proficiency exam, maybe spend […]
Confusion, anger as man tries to speak to Delhaize employee in German
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At least one person was severely confused while a dozen people were left mildly irritated on Wednesday after a man at a Delhaize in the capital attempted to speak German to an employee stocking shelves. “Hallo,” said the man, who was later identified as a Koblenz construction worker named Manfred. “Wo ist der […]
Monolingual Luxembourger discovered
A woman believed to be the only Luxembourger who speaks just one language has been found in the north of the country where she claims to have spent the last 80 years living in a cave. The party of hikers who found the woman on Sunday say she didn’t understand when they addressed her in […]
‘Franglais’ recognised as official EU language
Amid shouts of “c’est très good” and “at longue last,” Franglais has become the 24th official language of the European Union. Franglais, a blend of French and English, has been spoken for centuries by the upper echelons of both francophone and anglophone societies, usually by those wishing to seem educated and worldly even as they’re […]
Dog better at languages than you
Confirming suspicions that you are linguistically challenged, a team of researchers from the University of Wiltz have determined that a dog from the middle of the country has a much greater fluency in languages than you. “Despite her pea-sized brain, a memory reinforced only by dog biscuits, and a tendency to lose interest after 30 […]
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