Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

‘Revenge is sweet,’’ say Euro 2020 sponsors

Following a snub in which high-profile Euro 2020 players moved strategically placed sponsored products during a press conference, the aggrieved companies have announced they are plotting revenge.  “Cute stunt Ronaldo, but we’ve got you and your little sports league right by the contract,” said Coca-Cola spokesperson Jacqueline Brand. “If you don’t want to face serious […]

Bettel to wear anti-slap scarf

Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf.  “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]

‘We’ll improve cycling infrastructure when you stop wearing those shorts,’ VDL tells cyclists

In response to complaints from cyclists that Luxembourg City does little to make getting around on a bicycle easy, officials have promised to build the world’s best cycling infrastructure – if cyclists agree to stop wearing those ridiculous shorts.  “You’ll get dedicated bikeways all around the city, protected lanes on every street, and a safety […]

Chatty banker cannot wait to talk over musicians once venues fully reopen 

Luxembourg’s live music scene has been hit hard by the pandemic and fans are chomping at the bit to get back into sweaty halls once more, perhaps none more than Chad Whispersnout. For Whispersnout, the music is a secondary concern, however. Indeed, for the brash American expat, concerts are merely a place where he can […]

Luxembourg to host world’s first competitive divorcing league

Insisting that it’s the perfect location considering its divorce rate is the highest in the world, Luxembourg has created the first competitive divorcing league. “Only Luxembourg residents will be allowed to compete, but there will be a special division for cross-border workers,” said league president Marc Hessen. “Despite their frequent contact with the Grand Duchy, […]