A Luxembourg man has raised his arms and sung hymns of praise after successfully booking an early morning half-hour slot at his fitness center next week. “I heard that my gym was open again, but not from them because apparently they yet haven’t yet mastered the difficult art of website and social media updates,” said […]
It couldn’t wait till Monday: fairy godmother appears and fixes Luxembourg woman’s grey roots
A Luxembourg woman who fell into a pit of despair after closely examining her grey roots was miraculously saved when her fairy godmother appeared with a hair dye kit. The woman, a 29-year-old resident of Ettelbruck, has been carefully counting the days until hair salons are allowed to reopen next week. However, she had an […]
Boxemännchen disappearance: head recovered
CAPELLEN — Detectives from the food crimes unit of the Grand Ducal Police have announced the discovery of the head of a Boxemännchen that went missing from a shared office more than two weeks ago. The three-hour-old pastry was purchased at a local bakery in the early hours of December 20, with the buyer intending […]
Couple turn into gelatinous blobs after 1 week with no gym
Unable to work out since their gym was ordered to close last week, a fitness-loving couple from Capellen have turned into blobs of untoned flesh. The two were discovered by their cleaning lady on Wednesday afternoon. At first, the woman mistook them for melted ice cream, but when she attempted to clean up the mess, […]
Is your friend inviting you over for dinner or is this a police operation?
OETRANGE — A woman who received a dinner invitation for her whole family doesn’t know if the invitation is genuine or if the message is a part of a police operation to catch would-be offenders, she has confirmed. “That seems kind of weird that Alex is inviting us over, considering how freaked out about the […]
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