Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]
Grandma spends entire Zoom meeting on mute again
For the fifth time in a row, a grandmother from Contern has spent the entirety of a weekly family Zoom meeting on mute. On Wednesday evening, Marianne Dolper, 80, joined the 93-minute session and listened while her two children and four grandchildren shared news, joked, and briefly argued about vaccinations. It was only halfway through […]
Pathetic: man still making jokes about Corona beer, toilet paper, hand sanitizer
BELVAL — A man whose humor is gravely out of sync with the world is still making jokes about Corona beer, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer, it has been revealed. The 27-year-old man’s girlfriend says she is victimized by his obsolete jokes at least once a day. On Sunday, she hurried to their bedroom after […]
Top 10 ways Luxembourg residents are preparing for deconfinement
The Luxembourg government has announced that steps towards deconfinement could begin within a couple of weeks. What are the top 10 ways residents are preparing to re-enter society? 1. Cleaning off dried soup that’s been stuck to chin for last six weeks 2. Posting sticky notes around home to remind self to cover bottom half […]
Desperate residents sneaking out to meet in public, ignore each other
Desperate to return to the era when they could be socially distant among other people, hundreds of Luxembourg City residents are breaking the lockdown order to congregate in public spaces and totally ignore each other. The most popular meeting spots are large open areas such as forests and fields where dozens of people gather and, […]
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