Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

‘Teleworking is the future,’ insists local visionary

A socially myopic Luxembourg office worker has expressed his “full agreement” with the government’s decision to mandate so-called teleworking, which he says should be the new norm thanks to widely available and inexpensive technology that “allows everyone to work from the comfort of their homes.” “It’s incomprehensible why society hasn’t transitioned to teleworking earlier,” he […]

‘Santa accidentally sent me Amazon gift cards meant for you,’ grandma explains on Zoom

Wearing an impeccable poker face, a grandmother from abroad has explained in a Zoom session with her Luxembourg grandkids that Santa Claus accidentally sent her Amazon gift cards meant for them. “I told Santa not to worry about it, that I’d just transfer the claim codes to you,” said Catherine Harper, known to the children […]

Cannibals demand gatherings be limited to 1.5 people

The organization that represents cannibals in the Grand Duchy is speaking out against the government, claiming that it’s “dangerous and irresponsible” to continue allowing gatherings of two or three people. “As we all learned in science class, all you need for virus transmission to occur are two individuals,” said Luxembourg Union of Cannibals president Jean […]

Couple stop calling dog their ‘child’ due to 2-guest rule

Following the passage of the two-guests-maximum rule in November, a couple from Esch-sur-Alzette have finally stopped referring to their dog as their “child.”  For years, Susana Carvalhosa and António Ferreira, both 32, claimed that Mimi was their human offspring, which at first garnered some “oohs” and “awws” but quickly began to annoy everybody.   However, a […]